Generation gap on post-partum and newborn care, Part II

Part I was primarily on the sit-month diet, Part II is about everything else.

So before Isaac was born, Cindy's parents "strongly suggested" us to buy pure cotton "layers" (without a better word to describe it) for wiping clean Isaac in diaper change. No, it's not cotton swabs, not Q-tips, and not cotton balls. It's some semi-structured, not quite like a fabric, very soft slabs of cotton. According to them, because baby's skin is so soft and delicate, any other forms of material would hurt their skin.

Both Cindy's and my initial reaction are like, "wtf?" First of all, there are things called baby wipes that are sold explicitly for this purpose. Yes, there could be chemical and fragrances which baby's skin can become allergic to, I give you that. But apparently washcloths, 100% cotton fabric, are not delicate enough to their standard.

Cindy being an obedient child, obliged, and went on to hunt for this cotton layers thing. No, can't find it Walmart, can't find it in Shoppers Drug Mart health department... but Cindy manages to find a Shiseido facial cotton sheets, in the beauty department in Shoppers Drug Mart, for like $12! She bought it; me being a cheap-ass, obviously find it too expensive.

After birth, Cindy parents also brought this cotton layers thing to us. I've tried using it, and it is difficult to use. I first have to tear off a desired amount, some small bits of which would also fall off and flying everywhere. Second I have to dip just the right amount of water to have the right moisture; too wet it becomes dripping wet, too dry I end up rubbing dry cotton on Isaac's ass. All these procedures while Isaac is screaming his lungs out, my hands could have been dirty already with poo. At least the expensive Shiseido ones are a lot easier to use, and moisture control is also a lot easier.

But who on earth would think this is necessary? Seriously, where do they get this method from? Maybe the same people who sell them the necessity of baby powder, baby formula and all the other crap? This is a big industry after all, and the previous generation has been largely a victim of baby marketing abuse. We now find out the benefits of breastfeeding over formula (something which Cindy's grandma still believes Cindy should use formula because breastfeeding makes the mother too "attached"), and a few habits taught in hospital by nurses in Hong Kong are now dismissed in newborn care.

For god's sakes, we are wiping an ass, okay? Isaac's ass doesn't have to be perfectly soft and unscratched. The absurdity of this one, sounds like saleswoman in the make-up department telling me that my skin needs 10 steps of cleaning and foundation and make-up to restore "beauty". (Recently there is diaper rash appearing in Isaac’s bottom. I’m not even sure what is the cause of it but we have now completely stopped using baby wipes, and begin applying rash ointment.)

The other thing that keeps popping up is, "Is Isaac warm enough ah?" Please stop asking. Just the day before, Cindy's dad put on another layer of swaddle blanket on top of Isaac when he was asleep, who already has three layers of warmth, without telling us. Cindy later found out that Isaac's backneck was sweaty and asked about the extra layer of blanket. The most fascinating thing is, three decades ago Cindy herself as a newborn had severe resporatory sickness, where her mom now believes it is likely caused to her over-dressing Cindy back in the days.

Oh, speaking of warmth, both grandmas strongly prefer baby clothes that are string-tied over anything else. My mom thinks it’s the best for the baby because buttons are discomforting and over-the-heads are difficult, and Cindy’s mom thinks they are the easiest clothes to put on and off. We can’t find any string-tied clothes in Canada or United States at all – I wonder if it is because of health hazards (strangling of baby). So Cindy’s mom asked Auntie May in Hong Kong to buy a few of those clothes for her (a poor idea to ask a shopaholic with no kids to do that – it turns to become 2 full red-white-blue size bags worth of baby clothing, some more useful than others – but I digress). I tried the string-tied ones, and I don’t really like them because the chest area is fairly open, it always takes awhile to figure out which pairs of strings should be tied together, but most importantly, tying/untying strings at a screaming baby punching and kicking is really not the easiest way to get things done. On a related note, I still wonder who double-knotted the damn thing a couple of days ago when Isaac was starting to cry but needed to go to bath, and Cindy was sleeping (so time is of essence that I can take off Isaac’s clothes as quickly as possible to get to the bathroom to minimize the crying noises heard at the bedroom).

Not everything from grandparents is bad though. There are indeed suggestions and methods that they use on Isaac that does work. I do learn from them, from how to hold the baby to bathing to bottle feeding. But sometimes Cindy’s grandma and my mom seem to believe that their “superior” knowledge needs to be “guided” to us often, even when we aren’t asking for it. Especially my mom. Gosh. Every baby book warns about this, but it does drive me nuts sometimes when it happens.

Generation gap on post-partum and newborn care, Part I

I was hoping to blog my experience from watching Cindy labour to first week of being a dad, but it's just too involved to describe everything. Instead, my ticked-off mode motivates me to rant on something else related -- how to take care of newborn and the mother.

Now I know I'm not a great newborn caretaker -- in fact, far from it; I really lack that magic touch or hold that can sooth a baby, and prolong baby's crying can really getting into me -- but there are ideas I know that are plain absurd, mostly from the grandparents.

I respect the Chinese traditions on nutrition and rules in that "first month", I really do. They are there for some good reasons. But I think, they must be observed with context.

Cindy's diet right now consists of rice, ginger, chicken, papaya soup, egg, choi sum, like every single friggin meal, for the past two weeks. Recently (after that 12th day according to tradition) she starts eating the "ginger vinegar" as well. This seems to be insisted on purpose.

I appreciate all the help from the grandparents on the cooking, it's a great time-saver on our parts. But this is far from a balanced diet in my books.

First of all, it is too low in fat. Particularly my mom uses those free-range chinese chicken which has an even lower fat content. Maybe it's good for Cindy herself, as she is experiencing surprisingly fast weight loss, but this is terrible for the breastfed baby. The baby right now needs a lot of fat from the milk, which should be high in fat, so where does that come from? Recently we have observed that Isaac seems hungry after a feeding, and he's also hungry earlier than usual. (No, this is not cluster-feeding in the happening, because we've seen it from him and can tell the difference). I can't tell this is the cause, but this theory seems at least logical.

Chinese tradition sees eggs as very nutritious and should be given abundantly to the mother. I can understand where that comes from. Back in the days, farmers/peasants do not have meat every meal. Protein is scarce. The most "available" (while still expensive) form comes from eggs, thus they are treasured in general in their diet. It only makes sense to be given to the mom, who needs all the nutrition intake for that first month to coup with recovery. Calcium is also scarce (mostly because Chinese diet has literally no form of diary products), so Chinese finds this ingenious way to use vinegar to melt down the shells of the eggs and the bones of the pork hands to obtain Calcium, in the delicious form of "ginger vinegar" dish.

Does it really make sense to apply the same diet in the 21st century in a western world where we live in? Maybe it still does, but with context and moderation. Cindy's dad was strongly suggesting that she should at least eat four eggs a day (I really wonder where the hell he got that from). I quickly pointed out that egg yokes are high in cholesterol and should be eaten in moderation (in fact, I do remember hearing/reading guidelines on about eating at most one egg a day for health concerns). He insisted that it is not a problem because Cindy is not (at least not yet) known for high cholesterol. Not wanting to pick a fight with my in-law, I kept my peace.

The fact is, we now in a different world than last generation and beyond. Animals, especially chicken, are fed all kinds of hormones to make sure they grow fast, and they produce eggs. These farm technologies never existed 30 years ago. And meat protein is a lot more abundant than previous generations in Chinese setting. 30 years ago, there is no concept of high cholesterol, because there's simply no such abundance of food. Maybe we should think a little differently now, no?

This whole "sit month" Chinese thing and incessant folklore of what the mother is forbidden to eat, strictly, amounts to over-defensive food selections, creating an imbalanced diet -- and in essence, starving both the mother and the newborn.

I can't say for sure that such and such of a diet is wrong because I am no nutrition expert, but my upbringing have always taught me to eat with diversity, and with it becomes a balanced diet. On the other hand, eating the same food over and over again meal after meal opens ourselves to negative impacts. A month ago I remember hearing on the news that there's an old guy eating canned tuna for every meal for years, and his mercury levels are found to be 10+ times the danger limit in his body, and now he has memory loss in his brains. Who knows of the effects of eating chicken every single meal would have on Isaac?

It also bothers me that Cindy's parents try to keep her in that "ginger vinegar" diet, the amount given is equivalent to a meal in itself. Yes, Calcium is good but there are easier ways than eating pork hands (hard to digest and poor nutrition), vinegar which is really unpleasant for stomach but a necessity for melting that Calcium out, and more eggs! Cindy, for the past couple of days, have shown digestive inefficiencies after eating such humongous ginger vinegar meal.

So why be shackled by the Chinese diet? Why not try some dairy products for a change? No, it doesn't have to be cold milk. There are tons of ways to incorporate diary into western foods, such as cream sauce and soups. In fact, we have our squash soup (squash is well known to be nutritious food) ready in the fridge right now, which is hand blended with yogurt, one of the highest concentration of Calcium among diary products. Convince me why ginger vinegar is better.

But what infuriates me is, I asked to be given a day to cook for Cindy, for both family-time and nutrition sakes, but was kindly rejected. My in-laws doesn't seem to think I am capable of cooking a meal appropriate for the sit-month mother. Well, I guess if I am not cooking chinese food with ginger rice and chicken and choi sum, then maybe indeed I'm not.